Personal
There comes a time
Atime comes in your life when you finally get it… When in the midst of all your fears and insanity you stop dead in your tracks and somewhere the voice inside your head cries out — ENOUGH!
Enough fighting and crying or struggling to hold on. And, like a child quieting down after a blind tantrum, your sobs begin to subside, you shudder once or twice, you blink back your tears and through a mantle of wet
lashes you begin to look at the world through new eyes. This is your awakening. You realise that it’s time to stop hoping and waiting for something to change or for happiness, safety and security to come galloping over the next horizon.
You come to terms with the fact that he is not Prince Charming and you are not Cinderella and that in the real world there aren’t always fairy tale endings (or beginnings for that matter) and that any guarantee of happily ever after must begin with you and in the process a sense of serenity is born of acceptance.
You awaken to the fact that you are not perfect and that not everyone will always love, appreciate or approve of who or what you are… and that’s OK. And you learn the importance of loving and championing yourself and in the process a sense of new found confidence is born of self-approval.
You stop judging and pointing fingers and you begin to accept people as they are and to overlook their shortcomings and human frailties and in the process a sense of peace and contentment is born of forgiveness. You realise that much of the way you view yourself, and the world around you, is as a result of all the messages and opinions that have been ingrained into your psyche. And you begin to sift through all the crap you’ve been fed about how you should behave, how you should look and how much you
should weigh what you should wear and where you should shop and what you should drive how and where you should live and what you should do for a living, who you should sleep with, who you should marry and what you should expect of a marriage, the importance of having and raising children or what you owe your parents.
You learn to open up to new worlds and different points of view. And you begin reassessing and redefining who you are, what you really stand for. You learn the difference between wanting and needing and you begin to discard the doctrines and values you’ve outgrown, or should never have bought into to begin with and in the process you learn to go with your instincts. You learn that it is truly in giving that we receive. Then you learn about love. Romantic love and familial love. how to love, how much to give in love, when to stop giving, and when to walk away. You learn not to project your needs or your feelings onto a relationship. You learn that you will not be more beautiful, more intelligent, more lovable or important because of the man on your arm or the child that bears your name. You learn to look at relationships as they really are and not as you would have them be. You stop trying to control people, situations and outcomes.
You look in the mirror and come to terms with the fact that you will never be a size 5 or a perfect 10 and you stop trying to compete with the image inside your head and agonising over how you stack up.
You learn, that for the most part, in life you get what you believe you deserve… and that much of life truly is a self-fulfilling prophecy. You learn that anything worth achieving is worth working for and that wishing for something to happen is different from working towards making it happen.
More importantly, you learn that in order to achieve success you need direction, discipline and perseverance. You also learn that no one can do it all alone and that it’s OK to risk asking for help. You learn that the only thing you must truly fear is the great robber baron of all time… FEAR itself. You learn to step right into and through your fears because you know that whatever happens you can handle it and to give in to fear is to give away the right to live life on your terms. And you learn to fight for your life and not to squander it living under a cloud of impending doom.
And you learn to deal with evil in its most primal state — the ego. You learn that negative feelings such as anger, envy and resentment must be understood and redirected or they will suffocate the life out of you andpoison the universe that surrounds you. You learn to admit when you are wrong and to build bridges instead of walls. You learn to be thankful and take comfort in many of the simple things we take for granted, things that millions of people upon the earth can only dream about: a full refrigerator, clean running water, a soft warm bed, a long hot shower.
Slowly, you begin to take responsibility for yourself by yourself and you make yourself a promise to never betray yourself and to never ever settle for less than your heart’s desire. You hang a wind chime outside your window so you can listen to the wind. And you make it a point to keep smiling, to keep trusting, and to stay open to every wonderful possibility.
Finally, with courage in your heart and with God by your side you take astand, you take a deep breath and you begin to design the life you want to live as best as you can.
Let love find you
At a seminar I presented, a woman named Georgia reported that she had been married to a man who was emotionally absent. After long and frustrating attempts to infuse life into her ailing marriage, Georgia felt she needed to leave.“I told my husband I wanted a divorce, but he refused to give it to me,” she recounted. “So I decided that even if he didn’t love me, I would love me. I decided that I would give myself the love and kindness I had been seeking from him. So every day I wrote myself a long love letter telling myself how beautiful, wonderful, and desirable I am.”
“Then one day my husband found one of these letters. Since it was unsigned, he assumed it was from another man. He came to me waving the letter in his hand and told me, I cant compete with this you can have your divorce!”
Everyone and everything that shows up in our life is a reflection of something that is happening inside of us. All events and experiences in our field of awareness represent the out picturing of a feeling, belief, or attitude we are holding.
Thus we can use every event as a barometer of where we are on our path. “We think in secret and it comes to pass; environment is but a looking glass.”
This universal Law of Attraction means that we ‘hire’ everyone in our play to act out the script we have written. This is why we experience repetitious patterns in relationship, work, or health; different actors are showing up to play out the same role.
Eventually we recognise that it cannot be an accident that the same type of people keep doing the same things; it is we who have drawn them according to the signals we are radioing to central casting.
The good news about the Law of Attraction is that the moment we change our mind, heart, or attitude, the outer world must reflect it, often immediately.
In Georgia’s case, she was holding an unconscious attitude that she was unlovable and did not deserve a husband who was present and attentive.
As soon she grew beyond that limiting belief, released her husband from the onus of her emptiness, and gave herself the love she sought, he had no choice but to match it or leave. I have every reason to expect that Georgia’s next relationship was a vast improvement.
We can save ourselves all kinds of pain, and escape the struggle of endless manipulation, by determining what we would like to receive from other people, and then giving it to ourselves.
This all-important shift can be difficult in a world where we are daily bombarded with the notion that we are empty and needy, and everything we want and need is ‘out there’.
Out there in a romantic partner; a hit record; a new car; a more prestigious job; a better house. The funny thing about getting things from out there is that if you did not know you were whole before you got the thing, you will not become whole when you get it; in fact you will feel even more empty and confused. As Buddha asked, “If you do not get it from yourself, where will you go for it?”
Cool Runnings is a delightful (based on true) story of a group of young Jamaican men who decide they will enter the bobsled competition in the winter Olympics. The team faces and overcomes tremendous odds to make it to the competition.
The night before the big race, one of the team members confides to the coach that he will feel like a failure if he returns home without a medal. The coach has some good advice for this fellow: “If you do not know that you are good enough without the medal, you will not be good enough with the medal.”
All of us truly want to be in love, for love is our natural state literally who we are. The question is not, “Should we love?” but “Where will we find the love we desire?”
If we decide that another person is the source of our love, we set ourself up for a roller coaster ride of heady ecstasy followed by painful frustration. Sometimes our partner will do things that make us feel loved, and sometimes he or she will do things that make us feel unloved.
But as long as anything she or he does can make us feel one way or another, we have set ourselves up for a fall; we have given our power away in a most unkind (to ourselves) way, and we become little more than a yo-yo on the string of life.
There is another way to love, far more magnificent, real, and rewarding. This way finds the source of our love, power, and life within us. This way teaches that our purpose is not to import love, but to express it.
Instead of being a love seeker, we become a love finder. We do not wait for love we generate it. Then we get to bask in the warmth of our own beauty any time we choose, potentially all the time.
DH Lawrence elucidated this principle most eloquently:
Those who go searching for love only find their own lovelessness. But the loveless never find love; only the loving find love, and they never have to search for it.
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